Written by Kwayera Jackson
12/03/2009
Being incarcerated only allows an individual one of two choices. Prison is that proverbial fork in the road to which someone has the option of going one way or the other. I am of whole-hearted conviction that prison exposes individuals for who they truly are. Some of us who become imprisoned at an early age may have no concept of who we are or who we have the potential to become. Sadly enough, it is behind these prison walls that we come into our own. We become the person we were meant to be; someone who we may not have otherwise known to be had we not gone down this particular path. And yet, prison has a tendency to either make or break someone. In the latter case, there are those who can never shake the convolution that has infested their minds; eventually, losing themselves in their own misery.
I have witnessed prison's calloused hands choke the very life out of some. I have witnessed the air of misery become so unbearably dense that instead of enduring a slow & suffocating death, some have taken their own lives in order to escape their emotional tumult. Others die a psychological death, choosing to lose faith in the hope life has to offer those who remain stead-fast in resilience against seemingly insurmountable odds. Ultimately, they give in to any & every whimsical thought that materializes in their minds; irrespective of how grossly irrational the thought may be. They eventually bug up, allowing their mind to deteriorate to the level of complete irrationality; essentially exposing themselves for who they truly are.
I have chosen to, within the confines of this desolate valley, traverse down a different path. A path that began at the apex of tragedy and confusion, but has lead me to the height of spiritual refinement & understanding. I am very conscious of the egregious mistake I made all those years ago, and in no way I am of the mind that I should not be held accountable for my actions. But my accountability does not end with mere words, but of remorse. I have further taken responsibility by delving into the inner-most hidden portions of my subconscious in order to better understand what makes me who I am. I have dissected over & again the mind of the child who committed that fatal error in 1998, trying to understand completely why he thought the way he did at that time. As a result, I have flushed myself of all things negative, becoming an empty vessel so that I would be able to absorb the wisdom of those who have helped to guide me over the years. In doing so, it has allowed me the necessary room needed to mature into the man I am today.
In the face of utter depravity, I have persevered in an attempt to be the best person I know to be, and I have done so without any accolades. No pats on the back from prison officials telling me to keep up the good work. There are no incentives for being a good person in this prison. There are no rehabilitation programs other than the ones I have constructed myself. There are no parole boards to promote good behavior. I have taken the initiative to better myself not because it was expedient to do so, but because it is who I am. I have encountered the same stress, the same degradation, and the same mental emasculation that runs rampant throughout this prison. Yet, I have not allowed my mind to deteriorate to the level of complete insanity. I have not allowed my mind to succumb to the misery of being locked inside a prison cell.
Someone once wrote that, "Each of us has his or her own urge to grow, and each of us, in exercising that urge, must single handedly fight against his or her own resistance." As we evolve as individuals, so do we cause our society to evolve. The culture that nurtures us in childhood is nurtured by our leadership in adulthood. Those who achieve growth, not only enjoy the fruits of growth, but give the same fruits to the world.
I have chosen to flourish in the environment I dwell in rather than allow the misery that permeates throughout to embitter my disposition. Instead of combating the natural order of evolution, I have chosen to embrace it. This is not only a credit to myself, but to the countless forms of support I have received throughout the years from loved-ones (even strangers) who have encouraged my temperament and the cultivation of my spirit in one way or another. I am a reflection of them all. My hope is that I will be given the chance to give back to this world in some measure. I pray that I am able to share the fruits of my growth with those whom it will benefit most. This is the essence of who I am.
"Remember Those in Prison as if You Were Their Fellow Prisoners, & Those Mistreated as if You Yourselves Were Suffering"
12/03/2009
Being incarcerated only allows an individual one of two choices. Prison is that proverbial fork in the road to which someone has the option of going one way or the other. I am of whole-hearted conviction that prison exposes individuals for who they truly are. Some of us who become imprisoned at an early age may have no concept of who we are or who we have the potential to become. Sadly enough, it is behind these prison walls that we come into our own. We become the person we were meant to be; someone who we may not have otherwise known to be had we not gone down this particular path. And yet, prison has a tendency to either make or break someone. In the latter case, there are those who can never shake the convolution that has infested their minds; eventually, losing themselves in their own misery.
I have witnessed prison's calloused hands choke the very life out of some. I have witnessed the air of misery become so unbearably dense that instead of enduring a slow & suffocating death, some have taken their own lives in order to escape their emotional tumult. Others die a psychological death, choosing to lose faith in the hope life has to offer those who remain stead-fast in resilience against seemingly insurmountable odds. Ultimately, they give in to any & every whimsical thought that materializes in their minds; irrespective of how grossly irrational the thought may be. They eventually bug up, allowing their mind to deteriorate to the level of complete irrationality; essentially exposing themselves for who they truly are.
I have chosen to, within the confines of this desolate valley, traverse down a different path. A path that began at the apex of tragedy and confusion, but has lead me to the height of spiritual refinement & understanding. I am very conscious of the egregious mistake I made all those years ago, and in no way I am of the mind that I should not be held accountable for my actions. But my accountability does not end with mere words, but of remorse. I have further taken responsibility by delving into the inner-most hidden portions of my subconscious in order to better understand what makes me who I am. I have dissected over & again the mind of the child who committed that fatal error in 1998, trying to understand completely why he thought the way he did at that time. As a result, I have flushed myself of all things negative, becoming an empty vessel so that I would be able to absorb the wisdom of those who have helped to guide me over the years. In doing so, it has allowed me the necessary room needed to mature into the man I am today.
In the face of utter depravity, I have persevered in an attempt to be the best person I know to be, and I have done so without any accolades. No pats on the back from prison officials telling me to keep up the good work. There are no incentives for being a good person in this prison. There are no rehabilitation programs other than the ones I have constructed myself. There are no parole boards to promote good behavior. I have taken the initiative to better myself not because it was expedient to do so, but because it is who I am. I have encountered the same stress, the same degradation, and the same mental emasculation that runs rampant throughout this prison. Yet, I have not allowed my mind to deteriorate to the level of complete insanity. I have not allowed my mind to succumb to the misery of being locked inside a prison cell.
Someone once wrote that, "Each of us has his or her own urge to grow, and each of us, in exercising that urge, must single handedly fight against his or her own resistance." As we evolve as individuals, so do we cause our society to evolve. The culture that nurtures us in childhood is nurtured by our leadership in adulthood. Those who achieve growth, not only enjoy the fruits of growth, but give the same fruits to the world.
I have chosen to flourish in the environment I dwell in rather than allow the misery that permeates throughout to embitter my disposition. Instead of combating the natural order of evolution, I have chosen to embrace it. This is not only a credit to myself, but to the countless forms of support I have received throughout the years from loved-ones (even strangers) who have encouraged my temperament and the cultivation of my spirit in one way or another. I am a reflection of them all. My hope is that I will be given the chance to give back to this world in some measure. I pray that I am able to share the fruits of my growth with those whom it will benefit most. This is the essence of who I am.
"Remember Those in Prison as if You Were Their Fellow Prisoners, & Those Mistreated as if You Yourselves Were Suffering"